Fresher Take

The Social Side of University

February 19, 2020 UOL Mental Health Project Season 1 Episode 2
Fresher Take
The Social Side of University
Show Notes Transcript

Join Ben, Becki and Martyna as they discuss how to deal with the social side of university.

There is no doubt that when it comes to starting university the social aspect is huge! What do you do if you don't get along with your flatmates? or what if you don't make a lot of friends? These are all concerns almost every new uni student will face but check out our student hosts' tips on how to manage any social situation.

Check out the Student Life blog for more advice on lots of different topics related to being a university student. 

BECKI:   0:05
Hi guys, welcome to the second episode Fresher take I'm Becki and I'm here with

BEN:   0:00
Ben  

MARTYNA:   0:00
 Martyna

BECKI:   0:11
and this month we are talking about the social side of university. So guys, first, let's discuss arriving and how you make friends and how you really get yourself set up and started here at Uni.

MARTYNA:   0:24
I think when you arrive, for example, maybe help someone move in like your flatmate or something. I think it's like a great opener. To get to know your flatmates as well. Maybe there's always that door policy thing where you just leave your door open so someone could just pop their head in and say hi and start conversation. I think that's like number one thing when you move in to get to know your flatmates

BEN:   0:49
and then sort of following on from that. Obviously, once you've moved in, you've got sort of freshers and there's so many freshers events, no matter what uni, wherever you go, there's always gonna be fresher events. So I think that's a perfect way to sort of really open yourself up to get to know a lot of people that you know, it's not just about going out with your friends and going to the pub or whatever. You know, there's so many other social events 

MARTYNA:   1:10
I always have do many leaflets.

BEN:   1:15
incredibly helpful. You know, there's the I think, at  our uni there's quizzes, there's social events, social nights, things like that so there's always a place you can go. Always things you can do that will interest you and I think after a moving in and that sort of the next step really of uni.

BECKI:   1:32
Yeah, most uni's will have things like freshest fayres and society fayres and sports fayres and stuff like that so you can always go along to them, gets more information. Usually you get a load of freebies as well

MARTYNA:   0:00
and a free pizza

BECKI:   1:43
loads of freebies. There's usually a dominos or something. 

MARTYNA:   1:49
But its only the small, like this small Domino's pizza, it's like the size of my palm 

BECKI:   1:55
free pizza is free pizza though at the end of it,

BEN:   1:57
and it's a way. It's a way for you to meet people. They also like pizza.

BECKI:   2:01
Yeah 

BEN:   0:00
True  

BEN:   2:06
exactly common denominator if we both like pizza were gonna be best mates. There's also group chats and stuff as well. Isn't there?

BECKI:   2:12
before? Yeah. Before you even get there you go,  

BEN:   2:14
Yeah, there's a lot of, like, you know, flat group chats or accomidation group chats or even, like module or course group chats as well. So I think that's a good way.

MARTYNA:   2:25
A societies group chat if you join one

BEN:   2:27
Yeah, yeah, if you are a little bit sort of shyer than the other people, I think that's a good way of establishing a relationship before you get there. So sort of most of the hard work has been taken out of, you know, making a friend. You've met them online. You know who they are. You know, they look like you know what they're about. You sort of get a good indication of their whether or not that, you know, they're gonna be someone that you sort of get on with. And then that's the hard work taken out of it you just sort of carry on the conversation in person that you've already had. So it takes a lot of the legwork out of making friends, I think.

BECKI:   2:57
Yeah, and maybe makes you a bit more comfortable when approaching those people when you actually see them. Because usually these chats of through Facebook and so they'll have a profile. You make friends with them on Facebook. So you know what they look like. And so maybe you're not as scared to go up to them when you actually see them in person.

MARTYNA:   3:15
Yeah, I had that. I met my really good friend on a course facebook chat, and everyone's like, What accommodation are you in? and turns out she was the same one as me. And then on the first week, like, Let's go to the lecture together. So I already had that friend approach in my first week of lectures and workshops.

BEN:   3:33
I think that's always good as well, having that person that, you know, you can sort of, not rely on but or like you said, Martyna, you know, right, lets go to the first lecture together and it takes some of the daunting element of I'm in a massive lecture hall on my own sort of away because you've got that one person that you go right okay, you're in a group now, you can start, start to make friends, and again, it just takes all of the hard work out of having to sit there on your own and going there's a lot of people here

MARTYNA:   3:58
plus my course did this like welcome week. So I got to know the faces a little bit. And even when I went to freshers week and I had that free dominoes, I actually met one of the faces, familiar faces, and we went to get pizza together. So, like like you said, already in my first week, I kind of knew some faces. And when I went into my lectures I could sit next to them something. Say hi. How are you? How is your freshers? How is everything going?

BECKI:   4:27
Yeah, yeah, definitely. I would say, definitely go to any welcome week events for your course specifically, if your uni has them because they are ways for you to get to know the people that you're spending the next three years with probably day in, day out on your course and your what if group works involved or anything like that, you know that you're in a good standing with other people to be able to be like, Yeah, I could work with you. Yeah,

BEN:   4:53
I think I think that's a good thing about doing sort of a quiet a big course. I personally do media. So I think being able to know them people and be able to begin networking straightaway, I think takes a lot of pressure off uni because then you're not thrown into the deep end going, Oh, gosh, I've got I've got to find, you know, a group of seven people to make a film or got do this assignment or group presentation and I think if you already know some people and you know you get on with them it takes the stress out of also not only socialising but also the stress of uni. I think it takes the stress of the workout because you know you're with a good group of people. So it's a two in one combo being able to network with people and, you know, find people that your type of people,

BECKI:   5:34
do you guys have any advice specifically for international students?

BEN:   5:39
There is, I know again, The University of Lincoln think the uni were based at  do the international buddy scheme. I believe it's called and I assume most of the universities will do something very similar, you have to double check with them on their website or go to the student union They'll be able to tell you, and I think that is a fantastic way of people who are maybe not from the same culture as say if you're at Sheffield, Lincoln, Glasgow, wherever. If you're integrating yourself into a brand new culture, I think something like that would be great, because it allows you to find people that have the same sort of cultural background but also give you the confidence to talk to other people. It is very similar to Martyna's lecture situation. Once you've got that friend there, you know that you can make other friends because you've already got a friend, and It's a fantastic way of trying to help integrate yourself into another culture, which I, which I can imagine, is very daunting.

MARTYNA:   6:34
I think it's important say that everyone, I know it's scary making friends, but everyone has this feeling coming to university. You know, it takes time warming up. Some people are a bit more confident and people not so that's okay For some people, it takes longer. Each course is different. Maybe on your course there's people who might not know. There's a lot of people and it takes you might not never know them. Um, but, you know, people come from different areas of the country with different backgrounds, and it takes times there's thousands of students, which is a shock factor and You're no longer stuck with the same people that your own high school as well. So it takes time. 

BECKI:   7:16
I also think don't put so much pressure on yourself to make lifelong friends during freshers week like they will come. If everyone's putting in the effort, they will come. Just don't assume that everyone you meet in freshers there's going to be in your best friend for the rest of life is think about how many people you have on Snapchat that You've never spoke again.

BEN:   7:38
Yeah, I think as well. Just don't put pressure on yourself to feel like you have to make friends because, like a lot of the time, I found personally that sort friendships occur and sort of find themselves naturally so you know, without having to go. Do you like the same things? Just having a natural conversation with them in something like a workshop, seminar, Welcome week, freshers and things like that you become to just understand that oh they're my type person And I think if you pressure yourself to go I have to make friends or, you know, I have to do X Y and Z things to make friends. I think that's gonna in the long term, sort of pull hold you back because you're not being like yourself because you're assuming what you think you have to do.

BECKI:   8:18
Yeah, why don't we move on then to, maintaining these friendships or these relationships, even and How do you do that during uni when everyone's so busy and everyone's got societies and other friends? And how do you maintain a good friendship and a good relationship? Healthy one, if you will.

BEN:   8:37
I think understanding that you're gonna have different friends from different areas of university life is quite important because again, personally, I've got my friends that I play football with. I've got friends on my course. I've got friends that I live with. I've got friends that I, you know, talk about different things with I think understanding that and making trying to make time for them in different situations is quite important. Obviously, people on your course you're going to see like you said day in, day out. So I think maintaining them relationships is kind of very natural and then, If you are part of a society like I play football by playing football, your you know, your maintaining that relationship, your seeing them on a weekly basis, sometimes every other day and then from that, other the plans could sort of present themselves. oh do you fancy you know, coming round to mine and, you know, playing poker or whatever, you know. And then you find all the things that you're interesting that you might not have been before. I've never played poker in my life. And then about a few weeks ago they were, like, do you wanna come around for poker night and now I enjoy it. I guess so, I think

MARTYNA:   9:37
yes, that the thing with a society, you have that one or two hours a week where you know you'll go and you'll spend that time of those people so you don't have to be worrying about it. You know how to maintain, because you'll have that hour Wednesday afternoon, for example, to just go for two hours and then things might evolve from that as well.

BEN:   9:55
It's a two way Street as well, though it's like you don't have to feel like it's just you like oh I have to maintain that relationship as well. If it is ah, natural relationship, I think a lot of people will just gravitate, I think Facebook Twitter instagram is a fantastic way of keeping in contact with people and It's a way of maintaining friends, especially back home as well. You know, you don't feel like you have to see them to still maintain that relationship and communicating with them as long as that line of communication is still open. I think you're on the way to maintain a relationship like that, especially at home as well, because that's what I found difficult, coming to uni, like understanding that I've got friends at uni and then ive also got friends at home and they're doing their own thing and I'm  my own thing. And how are we gonna, How can I be friends with them? I never see them, but I think just understanding that there are different ways that you can maintain a relationship is quite important.

MARTYNA:   10:45
Yeah, I think continue talking to your friends from back home as well if if they're like your best friend and it's someone you can rely to and talk to and vent off the things from the day to continue doing that, maybe visit them. They visit you.

BECKI:   10:58
Yeah, get different surroundings. You know, if they go somewhere completely different uni to you That's always a good place to go and visit. It's completely different where you are. It's nice. Yeah, yeah. Nice little day trip, new surroundings, especially if you're in a bit of a funk. You can just go on, you know, really sort of re energise yourself and things like that because I think probably maintaining friendships from back home when you've all got new lives and, you know, shiny new people. It can be quite hard,

MARTYNA:   11:27
I think here it's also good to go back to that pressure thing, don't pressure yourself to maintain a relationship that maybe is toxic from the other side, and the other person doesn't really want to do that. And I think you need to remind yourself of your goal. Why you're hear, why you want to do this

BEN:   11:45
that's that's a very good thing. So if you maintain that quite professional mindset, I think it unit will help you understand and prioritise certain things, which in turn will help you prioritise and understand the importance of relationships you have. Because if it's not maybe even quite difficult relationship or something like that, if it doesn't fit into your sort of schedule lets say, yeah, maybe that's something that you shouldn't prioritise and maybe try and rectify and another type of way, as opposed to pressure on yourself to not have to see these, these three people have got on Snapchat that I've seen it I've seen once since freshers I think understanding and prioritising that is quite important.

MARTYNA:   12:25
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I met some people in freshers I wasn't friends with them after freshers week, it kind of dies down and feeling I met like, I don't know how many people But then it kind of died down and I had, like, a few individuals from my course and some societies,

BEN:   12:39
Yeah, I think I think that's the thing about freshers, You meet so many people doing so many different things youre like west best friends now, and then never see them again.

MARTYNA:   12:46
It's so awkward aswell

BEN:   12:51
when you see them walking down the corridor, you say, given the eye of I recognise you 

BECKI:   12:54
Yeah, I know you. I know, I know. You know, I've seen you

BEN:   12:58
and then you look a bit weird. Just staring. I'm like, Who are you?

BECKI:   13:01
You have so many  people in snap maps and your like hmmm

BEN:   13:04
I don't even know who you are. who are you? You live next to me. Who are you? 

BECKI:   13:10
Honestly, it really is. So when it comes, To difficult relationships. You're having problems with a housemate or of coursemate or I don't know, a relationship you've been in before uni is starting to break down. What do we do to deal with that what are some good techniques that you guys use,

MARTYNA:   13:30
I think communication. That's the number one thing. Have the confidence to go up to them and tell them how you feel. Tell them the truth don't bottle it up. Um, listen to the other person as well. Listen to what they have to say, how they feel and try to approach and kind of come to an agreement.

BEN:   13:48
Yeah, that's quite a good idea. And leading on from that, I think evaluating your role in a potential conflict is quite important sort of understanding that other people might not have the exact same sort thought process or belief systems as you. So I think, you know before you go in there, for example, you've had an argument with a friend, and you feel like it needs resolving. I think if you can understand, if maybe it's not necessarily just their fault. I think being able to be realistic, understand. Okay, I'm part of the problem

MARTYNA:   14:21
and have that respect to listen to them. And you know what they say and how they feel

BECKI:   14:25
respect is a big thing, I think because as long as you're maintaining that respect between each other, it's never going to get to a point where it's irreparable or do you know what I mean? Like as long as you're making sure that everything you're doing is with an ounce of respect. Then at least you can look back and be like, Well, I did this like it's there's not more that I could have done in order to maybe save our friendship or anything like that

BEN:   14:54
and I think it is okay to sort of see how you feel. But I know it's a very I think a very stereotypical thing to say that it's okay not to be okay and all of this but is absolutely true. Like if there's something wrong and you think is there is there something wrong am I annoying this person? Have I fallen out with him? I think if you feel that they definitely feel it as well. So I think again is a two way street of if I'm feeling it there, clearly feeling it as well, or they may be feeling something very similar. So I think having the confidence to say to them, You know something is wrong. Let's try and sort it. Maybe not in a that sort of way, but I think maybe bring it into a conversation. Or if you're friends with football, for example, you say them just before you start training whatever listen, mate we had a chat the other day. Is everything all right? We we call like, because I think people will respect that a lot more respect you a lot more as a person instead of just bottling up just assuming that the universe will fix it, because unfortunately you kind of sometimes have to be that person to make that first step of Okay, I'm gonna try and sort it because the universe doesn't magically just sort everything. If you don't talk about it,

BECKI:   15:57
Yeah, I think I know. Personally, I had a housemate or flatmate, or whatever, and it was that there was anything particularly wrong. It's just that our personalities clashed and  I think that's perhaps one of the hardest things to resolve is when you're just two different people, Youve got different sort of views and perspectives or values, even on it was just it was a hard thing, to, sort of get over and you're living with them for a year and things do get on your nerves and you're allowed to be annoyed by things. But I think it's about having that perspective of how how large a problem is this actually like, can It just be something that we both, you know, move on from a bit? Or is it something that we have to have a sit down talk about, really hash out together? And I think,  that that's something that you need to sort of internally discuss with yourself or even with someone else. If someone outside of the situation to get that sort of third party perspective about it.

BEN:   17:00
I think that's quite difficult as well. They're understanding that not everyone is going to be your friend, and I think that's something that's quite important to understand when coming to university or when sort of socialising with people in general. I think understanding that not everyone is gonna like you is quite important because then it sort of alleviates that stress of Do I really have to resolve a conflict? Or if this relationship is breaking down, it might just be that, like you said, becki your personalities just clash. There's nothing wrong with that. You know, it's not like they've said something that offended you or you've done something to annoy them. It's just the matter of the fact is you just don't get on. And I think understanding that, like you said, is so important because it almost takes the stress out of stressing about. You know, am I friends with this person? or I really need to deal with difficult relationship. I think if you've taken the understanding of you know what, maybe they're not my type of person. It alleviates more stress instead of putting more pressure on yourself to try and maintain or even rectify a relationship that was never strong in the first place.

MARTYNA:   18:00
Yeah, I came to university and people like you gonna make friends for life, whatever. But looking back at my first year, there was, I think six of us all together living and I'm only friends with like one or two individuals from yeah, from my flat. So you're not gonna be friends of them for life necessarily.

BEN:   18:15
I think it can come  across is quite a negative thing. Be like, you know, you do realise, you know, actually, it's sort of a sense of maturity and understanding that I think is quite important,

BECKI:   18:25
Especially with staying realistic. Yes, probably one of the biggest things. It's just being like, Okay, I know that this person I will probably stay friends with We have enough in common. We, like, have enough differences as well because that keeps things like interesting but understanding as well. That okay, this other person, I'm probably not going to maintain this relationship past this year or past uni or something like that. 

BEN:   18:52
But I think there's nothing again. There's nothing wrong with that. I think If you know you do become distant because you know you're doing different courses, you have different timetables life does just just get in the way. I think the relationships that are worth having will sort of still stay constant throughout times of adversity. You know, if your friend or someone it's a proper friendship, it shouldn't feel like when you talk, you have to catch up. It should feel like just you saw him yesterday. Yeah, and I think that's good to to know that if a relationship is worth worth having is a really healthy relationship, it will survive more than you think it will,

MARTYNA:   19:30
because everyone here is trying to graduate and people have different timetables. For example, I was at uni and my friend, good friend, was 10 11 hours I was in 20 something hours in my first year on

BEN:   19:42
a week?  

MARTYNA:   19:43
Yes, yes, a little bit more and, you know, I didn't necessarily always have time to spend with that person. So it's understanding that and, you know, might Sometimes you might not see them for a week, for example, you might say hi whatever, but not have time that time. Um, yeah, way deadlines as well

BEN:   20:05
and it doesn't mean you don't like them. It doesn't mean I don't wanna be friends with you anymore. It's just unfortunate life gets in the way. And I think that's important to communication. Like saying that Hello and messaging them on Facebook or whatever, just letting them know that you're still there and you don't hate them. And again, I think it's just that understanding. You know, if someone doesn't talk to me for a few days I don't instantly think right, they hate me, that's it, I've got no friends, like life gets in the way and I think it is just being able to touch base and go is everything alright? are we cool? how's your day been? Whatever. Just opening a line of communication again to, ensure that the relationships that matter stay strong as possible.

MARTYNA:   20:39
also I think if you are dealing with someone in a difficult situation that you don't get on. I think before you go into the situation, should talk to other people too your friends, and see what they advise you

BECKI:   20:53
Definitely because when you're in a situation, you can see things very one sided. You're seeing it from one perspective, you can't necessarily see the other person's perspective. And that's why getting that sort of third party view into the situation who are, hopefully unbiased, can help you know how to approach it and how to actually deal with that situation yourself.  

MARTYNA:   21:17
Maybe they're like, you know, actually, maybe a little bit of overreacting when you think about it.

BECKI:   21:21
Yeah, well, maybe think about it from their perspective. Yeah, I just think that advice is very good to get before you approach anyone.  

MARTYNA:   21:28
It doesn't mean that you have to maintain that relationship, it's just getting that advice before you approach them.

BEN:   21:34
Yeah, I think that they're all very good points and I think they all help really well with trying to maintain or dealing with the relation that maybe is a little bit difficult than others. I think that's that's very helpful. What about people that, like, say, we've talked about friendships, What about sort of like like, actual relationships? Do you think? Is that how would you sort of maintain that in the same way you would a friendship? Or do you think it takes

BECKI:   22:01
well, there are some of the same I would say that techniques or whatever that you need to use. Obviously, communication in a relationship is a big one. But I think if your relationship is breaking down, maybe it's a long distance thing where they're not actually at uni with you. Or maybe they are, and that's make it worse like either way, you have to be able to speak out with each other because if, like you said earlier, if one of you is feeling it, the other person is probably feeling it as well. And if that relationship does break down, you don't have to feel like you have to hold everything in. It's okay to feel your feelings like it's better to let it out than to hold it all in. And I think that that's a lot of uni students try to just power through and, You know, get classes, get to societies, get to friend meetings and stuff like that and never really speak about it. But it is okay to cry and feel your feelings whilst you're like going through something, especially if it is a break up. I feel that's really hard to go through alone. As well

MARTYNA:   23:05
yeah and I think having trust as well as communication, because I was in a long distance relationship in my first year. And, you know, when I was back home, my ex boyfriend knew my friends whatever, and he met them as well but now im at university there's thousands of people here, and I meet will come across people new people all the time.

BEN:   23:28
I think as well if they're not at uni or if they're a different uni, I think is hard to understand that it's not, just, for example, your 3 or four friends. You're close group of friends that you have at home that you're gonna be with. I think it is difficult is difficult to understand that you're going to make friends with people who will have friends, that you will become friends with, and your your circle of friends maybe isn't as tight as it used to be, because you've got, you know, so many different things societies, different friendships from different parts of the university and parts of the university life. I think coming to terms with that is quite difficult as well, and I think again like you did Martyna the ability to understand and trust and communicate with each other in that situation is key because it's not as simple as Oh, you've got, you know, Bill Bob, Fred as your friends . You've got so many other different people from different walks of life, different cultures, and they're all doing different things and you have them. Like we said before, you have different friends from different areas of social life on I think it can be quite hard to come to terms with. But if you have that communication and you have that trust, I think it can make it easier. But I think as well if it does end, I think being realistic yourself and accepting it and because n ot all pain lasts forever. I think as well. So if you are dealing with an intimate relationship like boyfriend or girlfriend, however, I think if it is sort of you know on the rocks a little bit, I think being able to understand and accept listen, maybe it is time you got being adult about it, I think, especially when you're at uni like you, said Martyna, You know you want to graduate, you want to do the best you can, and if unfortunate is gonna hold you back. For whatever reason, I think it's better to go. Listen, if it's if it's on the ropes, already were already struggling. I think maybe is just maybe Wrong time, wrong place sort of thing. I think understanding that is okay. If something goes wrong and you know the relationship breaks down not To, To worry and panic because people have gone through it. People get come out the other side and actually become better people for it.

BECKI:   25:27
Yeah. Yeah. So what about this? What about uni life then? So the uni culture is very much a social one. It's, you know, to go out and to make many friends, as you possibly can and for people who have extra difficulties. How do they deal with that? And what would we say to them?

BEN:   25:49
My first thought when when thinking about the pressure sort off to socialise would be something that I adopted in first year, beginning the second year, which is positive affirmation, which is, if you think about something, you know, if you think you know, I want to go the the gym today or I want I want to go and speak to this person today. It's probably not gonna happen if you don't reinforce it and. Some certain study suggests that if you write something down saying that you want to do your I believe it's 42% more likely to accomplish that goal. And if you say to someone as well as writing down your something like 60% more likely to do it and I think that can be for people that struggle with social situations and things. I think maybe writing it down in saying to yourself itself, right, even if it is a little goal that right today I'm going to go to this coffee shop with this person and were just gonna  have a coffee and just talk about, you know, uni or work or whatever, and that might, for some people be a very small, you know, achievement. But it's an achievement none  the less. I think thie amount of small wins you get over a period of time can make leaps and bounds in terms of your overall social confidence. I think so. Initially, I think that's a good thing to do if you do struggle to make friends or struggle in social situation you feel like quite quiet or whatever. I think if you write something down and make yourself almost mini targets throughout the day, week, month or whatever, that could help you focus as well on that certain tasks

MARTYNA:   27:20
yeah, you contextualise your goals and what you want to do. And I think some people go writing is not for me, but even a few words at the end of day, it just It's a really good, therapeutic  way off dealing with situations that you have, and it's it's a great way to get things off yourself that you have been having on your shoulders.

BEN:   27:41
Yeah, yeah, its being able to look back and go, This is what I've achieved today, Yeah, I went to this coffee shop I had, you know, I spoke to this person and oh through that I met someone else, and it might just be a simple is like I said, meeting another friend or going to a different coffee shop. But that small goal in the long term can make massive positive effects on someone's social confidence and I think with uni, like you, said Becki, being a very social place to be, I think that can help you make more friends maintain healthy relationships.

BECKI:   28:12
Yeah, I think as well, it's like we've said quite a bit. It's about not pressuring yourself. Don't feel the need to change who you are to match the people around. You find activities that suits you, suits your personality and, you know, maybe put them forward to people because that finding something you're comfortable with first and then approaching others with it is probably an easier task than you know you just constantly saying no to things. And I think that that's something that is a very big key thing here is just don't put so much pressure on yourself to be social all the time because people in different situations, some people like, live at home and they commute into uni. And that's an even harder situation to be able to find friends in because you're not  on campus or you're not in the area as often as everyone else is on. You have to, you know, scheduled train times or stuff like that. Sometimes youYeah, so I think it's just about finding what works for you and, then approaching others and hoping that they, you know, take on board what you're saying or something like that

BEN:   29:27
It's all about communication, isn't it? Especially if you do live at home, which I could imagine be very difficult because I spoke to a lot of people who have, you know, who do live at home on have listened to podcasts and even this one and you know, and have said living at home can feel very isolating because you're still a part of the uni experience. But it's almost like the metaphor youre dipping your toe in the pond as opposed to being fully immersed in it and I think being able to communicate with friends being like, right because I live at home. Listen, why why don't we all come round to mine for, you know, film, night movie night, whatever and sort of try and integrate yourself more within other social circles to so it may be not be at  home as much. And if that is the case, you have to be home. For whatever reason, try and integrate your friends into that as well as instead of having them as two separate isolated places: your home and your uni try and integrate them. Because again, if your friends are understanding and you've got that line of communication, you saying to them, Listen instead of going to yours this weekend, do you wanna come to mine instead? Yeah, you know, almost compromising. I think in some, in a situation like that is quite important. Especially if you live at home, you're not truly I say that in quotation marks truly, you know, immersed in the social side of uni.

MARTYNA:   30:49
Yeah. And if you're living away from university, maybe you have a train to catch home. I know my friend does, and he's like, I don't have time, so we would have a group chat and say can you do monday or whatever can we go and grab a coffee? Do you have an hour free or something and do that in advance? You know,

BEN:   31:04
it doesn't have to be hours and hours

MARTYNA:   31:07
no, just even an hour, you know,

BEN:   31:09
an hour for a coffee and a quick chat. Because then again, through that you might make another plan and go ok that's good again all the things kind of rides through the social situations.

BECKI:   31:18
Yeah. Okay, so we're gonna end this episode this month with a little bit of exercise for you to do. So what I think is a good idea is to research the area that you're going to uni  in. Just look up some fun on affordable group activities that you would like and that you could do with your flatmates or your new course mates or anything like that, just to put yourself in a better standing and to prepare yourself to go to uni. You can also do this once you get there, have a little walk around town and see what's about just so that, like I said earlier, you're not saying no to everything that comes up because it's not your type of thing. This way you have a list of things that you are interested in and that you then can present to your new friends. Other steps you can take include, you know, finding courses at your local wellbeing centre here at the University of Lincoln. Our wellbeing centre to runs relationship courses and confidence courses, but make sure that you look at your specific,  uni to see what they can offer you. Id just like to wrap up today's episode with a quote that I found from the author A. A. Milne and it says you can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes  

BEN:   32:36
Aww, that's very nice isn't it? and I think that wraps up perfectly: the importance of being social.

BECKI:   32:43
I've been Becky,

BEN:   32:44
I've been ben

MARTYNA:   32:45
I've been Martyna

BECKI:   32:46
and this has been another episode of  Fresher Take